STEP-DAD.net

What I’ve learned about being a Step-dad

Archive for June 19th, 2010

(Step) Father’s Day

Father’s Day.  It’s a big deal for all the dads out there, and a huge question mark for all us step fathers.  We’re never quite sure where we fit into the father’s day puzzle. Sure, we celebrate Fathers, Grand Fathers, God Fathers, but do we celebrate Step Fathers?  All the others have been there since day one, but we step fathers…  We haven’t.

I remember celebrating father’s day with my father.  Every year my school had these little flea market type things in the cafeteria the week of Fathers day and Mothers day.  And every year my mother or father would have to give me a few dollars to buy a gift at the flea market for the other on their respective day.  Eventually those days passed and we had to start remembering these things on our own.  By the time I started to remember and prepare for father’s day, my reason for celebrating it at all was gone.  There were still plenty of other people celebrating the day, and I often found myself wishing a happy father’s day to people that weren’t my father.  So I got used to the idea of celebrating a father’s day for someone that wasn’t my father before my own step father came along.  Of course once he did, it was a bit awkward.  It was like starting all over again; my mother would constantly have to remind me that its father’s day and that I should get something for Pop.  Of course some of that had to deal more with my own teenage selfishness, but it also had to deal with the idea that Pop was now the father I should be celebrating.  Like I’ve said before he is a good guy, and worth the celebration, I just wasn’t sure what to do.  Eventually though I got over it.  Sure these days I’m being reminded of these dates by others, but that’s more because I’m a forgetful person and not a teenager dealing with his selfish phase.

Over the last 13 years now, I’ve actually been celebrated on father’s day by my nephew who I’m the God Father too.  But this past year was the first Fathers day that was celebrated for me where I was the actual father.  The little one enjoys celebrating anything as long as she gets some sweets.  The then 16 year old however was a different story.  She wasn’t all that interested in the day at all.  Not because she’d rather spend it with someone else, but more seemingly because she didn’t know who or why to celebrate it at all.  This year however, I hope she’ll know and want to celebrate.

The big thing to remember here is this.  You can’t expect it.  You can’t want it.  You can’t even wish it.  Father’s day is about other people recognizing you for the father you are.  This isn’t something we can force.  It’s either appreciated or it isn’t.  So my suggestion to all you step parents out there who aren’t sure what to do on Sunday, just be happy if they try to do anything, even the smallest remembrance is worth it.  And don’t forget the bio father has been celebrating this day with them since the day they were born.  Traditions are necessary and shouldn’t be touched by us step parents, ever.  We have a strange job, us step parents.  We have to nurture not only the relationship between the step children and ourselves, but also the rest of the family (including the bio-father, or bio-mother).