What I’ve learned about being a Step-dad

First things First

Before I start giving any advice or anything I should probably tell you all a little about me and why anyone should take anything I have to say seriously.  First off, don’t take anything I say too seriously.  I know what I know from my own experience, and just because it worked for me doesn’t mean it will work for you.  There’s no guarantees in life, and doubly so online.  Now that that’s out of the way… 

I was born into a normal home life (at least as normal as a child can understand) I love my mom, loved my dad, and dealt with that sister of mine (yeah, I love her too).  All was normal for most of my childhood, up until I was 16.  My father passed away.  We all mourned as it goes and life moved on.  Mom began to date other men a couple of years later.  Eventually she met my step father “pop”.  I look back now and realize just how hard it must have been and how easy he made it all look.  Here he was in that vacant spot a good father used to fill and he had to perform up to par without any of the benefits a dad gets from his kids.  But he did it, spectacularly.  Simply put, he just did what he did.  He didn’t try to be a dad or even a friend, he was just always there and ready to help when we needed it.

It’s amazing just how much it helped to know that there was someone there just in case you needed it and wasn’t trying to replace my father. Granted, I think I was a pretty well adjusted kid so I didn’t have too much baggage to deal with. My acts of rebellion weren’t all that rebellious when I look back at them now, even if my mother would like to tell me otherwise. J

As chance would have it I find myself now the step father to three children, a nineteen year old, a seventeen year old, and an eight year old. The eight year old is beautiful little terror. She’ll melt your heart with a smile and kick you in the nuts at the same time. Her father is still very much involved in her life. It can be trying sometimes and I’m sure I’ll get into that later, but for now let’s keep it to the facts. The other two don’t have that type of connection with their father. The nineteen year old stays at school, so I don’t get to spend much time with her, but the other two live with us. And although I describe the little one as a terror she really is a wonderful child, and my seventeen year old is already “daddies-little-girl” even if she doesn’t know what that means yet. I get into more trouble for defending her than anything else. But it’s worth that and so much more just to see them smile.

Finally you may be reading all this and wondering where there mother fits into all this. Well, she fits in right here. I love her, and she brings me joy and happiness every day. That’s right fellas, she cooks me eggs every morning… I joke, she does cook me eggs every morning, but she does a lot more for me than I could explain here. We’ll get more into my wife as we go along. But I could probably write an entire blog just on her.

So there you have it, I have a step father and now I am a step father. I hope to pass on some helpful information to all you step-dads out there that just need to know there’s help out there for you. And although every legal website or person will tell you that you have no rights what so ever when it comes to the kids, you still have the responsibility to be a good father figure, friend, and always ready and willing to help them grow up to become good people.


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  1. Richard says:

    Yeah I can definitely relate here, even though I have only 1 step-child to worry about. 🙂
    I was raised myself by a stepdad as well, so as you said, it makes you appreciate the work he did much more.

    Yeah great post bro, well written.

  2. Lisa says:

    So very true ALL of it…. Pop like you accepted us for who we are and didn’t do anything but be there for us (of course I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he loves mommy too lol). I believe that I was a little bit more difficult than you lol but even during my surgery he was there everyday. After my surgery I couldn’t eat for a long time then I saw something on tv Pop heard me say oh that looks good he ran out to the store and bought it for me. That’s what it’s all about….. 🙂 We love you 🙂

  3. […] see another person’s point of view, I recommend you read a post written by my brother in law, who also has his take on the matter: […]

  4. JoAnnW says:

    If your step-Dad was computer literate he would have left a comment telling you how good it made him feel to read how much he means to you. He loves you too, very much. (yeah he really said that.) He also said to “Keep up the good work” on your blog (of course I had to tell him what a blog was..he he he).
    I am so proud of the man you have become, your step father is proud and your Dad would be so proud of the job you are doing. I guess I chose well. lol
    Love you bunches..xoxoxo

  5. TheStepDad says:

    Thanks Everyone for your comments. I’m glad to see that I’ve got my families support on this project. It’s going to take some time but I hope that my posts will get out to those who could use that extra bit of mental help once in a while.

  6. Kristin or Krisitin says:

    The part about Pop made me cry! He really is so amazing! I miss your dad all the time,but having pop there made it a little better. He’s just great. So is Mom and of course that sister of yours and you. Love you guys. Great blog!

  7. Cindy says:

    I think it’s great that you are writing! I’m envious! I enjoyed reading your article and look forward to more!